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Fortunately, one night, she revealed herself to me and I was able to break the hold that she had over me and pull myself away from her, leave her behind, and remove her from my thoughts. Still, here I am 20 years later, writing her story. Never in my life have I ever experienced anything like that, like her. Never in my life do I ever want to experience anything like that, like her, again. The emotion that she brought out in me was sick and demented. It was a cult love. If you have not experienced that kind of twisted attraction for someone, then you will never understand what it is that I am writing about. Yet, for those of you who have experienced that deep desire for someone, someone who you would do anything to be with, someone who used you knowing that they had you wrapped around their finger, then you know what I am writing about. I met Susan when I applied for the job of a Controller for a furrier on Newbury Street in Boston. You would have to be a Bostonian to love Newbury. Anew dress, a skirt and top, some jeans and a bathing suit! My wardrobewas certainly increasing. "I'm sorry Joan," Mom said as I came back downstairs. "You're sorry? What are you sorry for?" I asked her. "I'm sorry that you weren't born a girl," she said as her eyes filledwith tears. That could be taken as a double edged sword. Was she sorryfor me, or for herself? "It's all right Mom," I told her. "I'm just happy to finally know who Iam." She held me tightly and refused to let go. More than a few tearsescaped our eyes. "Would you like some cocoa?" I asked her. She smiled at me and said sheshould be the one comforting me and not the other way around. "It's okMom, and would you?" She laughed and said that she'd love a cup. I mademy way into the kitchen and let the dog out. Shandy had been very quiettoday. The hot chocolate beverage served, Mom asked me what I hoped toaccomplish at the meeting tomorrow night. I told her that I honestly hadno idea, but knew that I had to go. It would.
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